I grew up around gangs and stabbings. I've seen all types of crime. I've lost people. But nothing has caused me greater pain than the shit people in my inner circle have done. I'm thick skinned but what do you do when the trouble is right under your nose? I think that's what fucked me up. For all the effort I put into music you'd think I'd be somewhere by now. Shit I'm just trying to stay sane and nothing calms me the way doing music related things does. I dunno if I ever wanna try make real money off this.. I feel it won't last forever so I'm clinging on to the fact I can just block out the world and be creative for now. Maybe I lose my mind in the future but it was a gentle slope into insanity atleast. We all start to fall off anyway, guess some people sooner than others.
Really sucks when you have to pretend to not care, just for the wellness of somebody. Truth is you care a lot and in several occasions wonder if that person is okay and better now... In the end you seem like a pretentious douche and can't do anything about it. It's even worse when "others" know nothing and talk trash about it for... unknown reasons? Weird, those were the same people that bashed on you a couple months ago (and bash on anyone that gets along with you, really). Why trust them once again? Can fake people convince you that easily? Or is it that you prefer lies that have an empty meaning? Wish there were other ways to have had proved it wrong.
Spoiler Spoiler Ever since that day, I've been addicted. Constantly checking, constantly waiting, constantly hoping for more. It sucks that there is something in the way.
I no longer talk to you, please don't be upset. Simply blame the fact that we were never together in the first place. You are in a better place now, so there's no reason for me to still be around. Although I don't talk to you, doesn't mean I don't miss you. Every time I look down, I still remember, but I will try to forget. Erasing all the times we've intersected in the past.
I like this bubbly feeling that you give me when you text me every morning.. but I'm unsure if you feel the same way that I feel.. I wish you were more straightforward and not throw me into that grey area like how you always do. Spoiler ugh I feel like this thread has become my diary for my feelings when no one is around to hear me rant/cry.
You call me arrogant because you ask what I get on my exams, and I tell you I get A's on nearly every exam in med school and you get D's in your community college? fk you I work hard.
Just Finished Isshuukan Friends Only click if you have seen it/want to know how it ends/is Spoiler THE LIFE OF BEING NOTHING BUT FRIENDZONED SOOOOOOOOOOO DEPRESSING HOLY CRAP I HAVE NEVER HAD A GUY BE LIKE, LETS BE CLOSER FRIENDS *flips table*
I learned a while back that if I don't text "911 call me", people will not return my calls. Um, but now people always return my calls because they think that something horrible has happened.
Was really shocked to hear that my director at work is leaving later this month. He's been a really great and patient mentor and it's really sad to see him go. He was the one who gave me a chance at the job and taught me the ropes. Super chill fella too. Bad start to Febuary
Spoiler I keep kicking myself for all the times I passed by one of your FB posts or instagram posts, and thought -- hey I should reach out. It's been so long. But I always thought -- I'll do it next time i'm in town. We can catch up. I'll do it tomorrow. There's always time. But there's no more time. There's no more freaking time. I'm so sorry that in only 22 years, the world was so cruel to someone as kind and empathetic as you, someone so talented, someone who felt so much and cared so much. You brought so much comfort to others I'm so incredibly sorry we couldn't do the same for you. I wish we could've done more. I'm just grateful I got to grow up with you, to spend my most innocent times with you... I think our friends from our youngest years, the ones with whom we run around free and unburdened... there's something special about those friends. The friends we know when we are the most unguarded, before life shows us its ugliest faces. I'm glad you are free now. I hope I can walk with you again some day.
Spoiler I regret cutting you out of my life back when you were struggling to make it happen. For what it's worth, I'm genuinely happy for your recent success. You probably don't consider me a friend anymore or care for what I do or have to say—that's okay and I take full responsibility for that. Just know that you're hands down the grittiest person I've met, and you've inspired me to prove the doubters wrong—in the same convincing way you have.