Get it off your chest!

Please be okay.

 

silence kills everything , just not the awkwardness

 

Waiting...and waiting...and confused...and waiting...with no clear indication. Why the fuck is it taking so long.

 

My Skype, Discord, Twitter, Facebook, or anything that is not my Mapleroyals forums and ingame account, are there for my personal use in my own free time.
So please, please keep Mapleroyals related issues on these forums and not on our personal social media.

 

we're all going to die and then never exist again for the rest of eternity

the short time that we have to exist is utterly meaningless and insignificant when compared to the eternal void that we will all disappear into

how the fuck can anyone comes to terms with this? it's the most terrifying thing conceivable

 

I DON'T WANT CONTEXT CLUES

 

Some people are just plain evil.

 

Miss the apq and the community around it.

 

Funny how only the snowflakes get "triggered".

 

After last Monday, even though things have changed, even though you look at me with the same magic you always had... I feel like I'm done waiting. Too fucking broken for you to fix me...

 

I'm not looking forward for your approval nor any one's. Just because I am "nice" to some people, doesn't mean I have to be nice towards everyone. I have a big fuck Off written in my forehead, in case you didn't know...

Edit: imma do a 2x here.

That moment when you report someone for hogging an area boss with other character, but you forgot to mention you are way worst and you hog NOT one but several channels with the same bishop mule. At least he was only hogging one.... poker face lmao

 

Ha, in your bloody team's face.

 

but like why must you have a girlfriend?

 

tis a sad life

 

The owner of the server doesn't even give a shit about their own server.

 

This has been on my mind for the past couple of days. I got permanently banned from the forum for making a joke in the shoutbox. Now, I can see why some jokes might be rightfully punishable, but you tell me if this ban counts as rightful:

Place/Time: Shoutbox while the server was down a few days ago, people kept asking what was going on and I replied to all that the server is stuck and they should remain patient. This guy Ellusiion was joking with me / semi trolling me beforehand (which is why i chose to reply with a sarcastic comment):

Today at 3:37 AM - MayCookies: The server is currently stuck, please be patient as the staff is looking into it.
Today at 3:37 AM - NINENNE: ok thx for help
Today at 3:38 AM - Ellusiion: MayCookies r u gm
Today at 3:38 AM - jescsaechao: just didnt know what was going on
Today at 3:38 AM - jescsaechao: but thats cool thanks.
Today at 3:38 AM - Amosky: @MayCookies thank you for update!
Today at 3:38 AM - MayCookies: Ye I'm a GM but I'm hipster so I'm using a donor tag
Today at 3:38 AM - Ellusiion: impersonating a gm
Today at 3:38 AM - Ellusiion: @Yanir
Today at 3:40 AM - MayCookies: @Ellusiion 1. I was clearly joking and 2. GM could stand for anything, I never claimed to be a MapleRoyals Game Master.
Toady at 3:40 AM - DivineSean: @May, why are you replying to someone who laughs at his own jokes

So, I get why someone could have been confused there for a moment, but I immediately explained I was joking (if it wasn't obvious enough), and also as I said, I didn't claim to be a staff member and GM could have stood for anything. Moreover, let's take a look at what Ellusiion said 4 minutes prior to that:

Today at 3:34 AM - Ellusiion: Can we make MayCookies a gm already i mean look at him

Spoiler: SS

Now, I don't really know for sure Ellusiion is the guy who reported me (it was an anonymous report), but it's kind of obvious. That means he knew I wasn't a GM, yet tried to set me up and ignored the fact I immediately said I was joking. The reason I'm salty and hurt about this is because obviously, the GM who took action and banned me didn't bother reading the chat logs, and more than that, didn't even give me a chance to explain before permanently banning me from the forum. I didn't even have a way of appealing! Unless there was another GM present in the shoutbox at the time of the conversation, who remembered what happened and requested a further investigation, I would have still been banned with no way of appealing. And the worst part is, the only reason I was even awake at that time was because I was trying (and successfully have) to catch the DC hacker in FM, which is not even my duty as a player.
So to sum it up, I feel as if as an active, honest, contributing, donating player, I didn't even deserve having my case properly looked into before getting permanently banned because of a malicious troller, and it just feelsbadman.

P.S. I want to thank the rest staff for further investigating my case and unbanning me. Appreciated!

 

Create good habits if you want proper consistency. Talk them down and you'll find yourself in that shithole you once so desperately tried to climb out of.

I guess there's less to learn and it's a bit easier the second time, but the failure definitely didn't motivate to believe in my ability to be consistent. Ultimately I suppose the only way to believe in it is by acting it out. Thinking about it just leaves room for confusion and dissatisfaction.

Think less, act more.

 

I don't know where to start but there is definitely stuff I want to get off of my chest, and this might turn into a long post but perhaps it helps some people to further understand how my mind works.
As some of you may have noticed, I don't feel very happy today or let's just say I'm beyond disappointed and frustrated, and even feel lost at this time.

I'm not an admin who you'll see ingame often, mainly because I don't show myself when I'm online, but that doesn't mean I do little to nothing for this server.
Day in day out I'm here helping people on the forums, ingame or I'm active behind the scenes trying to help us improve where needed.
Basically I'm here pretty much every day even when sometimes I'd rather just have a day of relaxing, but a part of me always tells me to check the forums and our skype / discord chats to see how we're doing.
I understand that a lot of this work is not always seen by the public, but it really hurts me when I get told that I didn't do anything and don't care about the server's issues when I very clearly do.
I don't care about whether people will acknowledge and appreciate my work or not, I work because I want to give back to the community what they have given to me. I work because I want to help them live their adventure ingame that I haven't lived myself because I quit playing in an early stage. However when moments like these happen, like the thread posted today, deep inside I ask myself the question over and over of what and who I'm actually doing this for. If I see a post with 48 likes that between the lines says 'Fuck you Dimitri, you do nothing for us anyway!', it lowers my morale a lot. 48 People is a big number for me, even on a server where sometimes we have 2000 players online. It hurts that I can see who thinks alike with the OP, and it hurts to see that the things that have been said will not be followed up with an apology even though they know they've hurt our feelings. Sure our feelings aren't supposed to get in the way of our duties here, but that doesn't mean we don't have any. We have feelings, we are humans, we do try our fkn best every fkn day to please your fkn asses, and this is what you give us for it? Utter disrespect? It's going to take a while for me to move on from what has happened today, and I also think it might take a very long time for me to forgive and forget if I even want to.

Having to deal with a lot of stuff behind the scenes, having to run after shit so it gets dealt with, getting shit on by the community and then next to that I am also trying to just have my own life.
I wonder if it's slowly going to become too much for me, and I wonder if I want to continue doing this. I wonder if I should quit, or if I'll somehow battle my way through this.. but even then, I'd be back to the question 'for what and for who?'.

 

@Dimitri is there a way that you can get acknowledge? I mean I understand where you are coming from. There needs to be some type of recognition that needs to be given to the Admins and supports. Supporting a 2000 + community and so on is hard. On a business perspective when you are supporting over 1000 - 5000 person company people don't see what you do for them because they are busy dealing with their own crap.

I think there needs to be a re-assessment how admins or supports for the server can get some recognition. That would help give you a morale booster and so on. Well hopefully moving forward the server will go forward and move forward.

Hope it works out for you.

 

Chester Bennington (lead singer of Linkin Park) committed suicide today, and took a piece of my heart with him.

Spoiler: R.I.P.