Get it off your chest!

On the edge of quitting for gucci

 

Of course, just when life starts to pick up, it all come crashing down again. Got fired on Friday 2 weeks ago, best way to end a Friday.

All the negative feelings I've been fighting off, is eating me up again. Been lying to my parents that I'm still working just for the sake of not worrying them and didn't want them to bother or nag me into getting a job, I'm trying.

And worst of all, I've become a worse person. Someone asked me for donation so politely and I declined, bluffing I had no $10 note as I feared she was a scam.

What scum I have turned into...

I genuinely wish to be able to trust as easily and be as caring as I was, and most of all, to be truly happy again.

Alas, I am completely alone here, with no shoulders to lean on, no ears to vent to.

I'm so tired.

 

DON'T CALL ME INTO WORK FOR THANKSGIVING WEEK IF YOU DON'T HAVE WORK FOR ME TO DO AND HALF THE FUCKING OFFICE IS ALREADY GONE

IF YOU'RE AN IMPRESSIONABLE COLLEGE STUDENT READING THIS AND YOU HAPPEN TO BE INTERESTED IN CORPORATE ADVERTISING DON'T DO IT

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

:rage:
:rage:
:rage:

 

What evolutionary purpose does it give for sloths to have 2 or 3 toes? Why does it matter?

 

Reading thread rules is really difficult

 

It’s 2 months now, I’m sure one of my RWT report will be taken care of, SoonTM

 

Closed my 2 report threads cuz no one cares.

 

Maybe it's time for you to get a life and not be so hard-up on certain stuffs.
Cb.

 

I caught a new Pokémon, that was fast

 

Awesome savage by the boss while having dinner.

 

Wheres the sense of accomplishment when you RWT/Hack your way to the top? Your only lieing to yourself.

 

Good bye skunk, this time for good

 

Baby you are on fire today!!!!

 

I'm actually really happy that the gms/admins have smashed these rwt cucks. Learning the ins and outs of the market, grinding like crazy and scrolling like a beast doesn't happen over night. Lel ez

 

"Why can't they put their patty melt on a bun?"

that's called a burger, son

 

the hard work paid off

 

i like our late-night calls

너 좋아해

 

i hate their there and there

 

So since early October I've not really been myself and it shows in my behaviour, how I act, react, and how I feel.
Today I want to just get it off my chest what has been going on with me and why I am different now than I was 2+ months ago.
So in early August my therapist and I concluded that everything about my situation that was treatable had been treated, and thus they didn't know what they could do for me anymore to help any further.
In response to that I brought up that at the start of my therapy 2 years ago, I was told that medication wouldn't help me as long as I was being treated for my treatable parts of my mental health issues.
So I suggested that because of our conclusion, I believed it was time to reconsider medication and this was agreed upon. I was happy to hear that they discussed it within a week and had put me on a waiting list for my psychiatrist to call me for a discussion about what medication would suit best for me and my situation. This is where it went downhill however. I was told that at the latest I would get a call about my medication in October, and thus for every day of October I've been checking my phone multiple times a day hoping I would get a call, an email, a text or anything for that matter.. But it never happened.. It's late November now and I still don't have the meds, nor have I been called by my psychiatrist and at this point I feel so mistreated. I feel like that if I had any physical health issue, I would've had high priority to get medication and I would've gotten it within a day, but because I have a mental health issue apparently I'm not important enough for this. I just can not process the thought that somebody with a very severe obsessive and anxiety disorder can be put through the misery of having to wait months for a phone call.. Can you just try to imagine how it must feel like if your life is a complete chaos and you can not ever get a grip on it, drowning in your own obsessive thoughts, drowning in your own anxieties.. and then they tell you that they want to give you medication, to help you.. but every day you stare at your phone hoping this moment has finally come, just to get disappointed and upset over and over again. I thought they knew after 2 years of therapy with them, that my issues aren't minor, that my issues consume my entire daily life structure.. that my life is a mess and is not something I can control. Why would you tell someone with such issues that at the latest they will get help in October, and then you just don't follow up on this word. I'm devestated, I'm sad, I'm overly emotional at all times and I just don't know how much longer I want to wait for you to give me what I fkn deserve. I already had to accept that you had to cut costs and thus I couldn't get my annual light therapy for my winter depression issues, but I can't live with the fact that my medication is being postponed for stupid af reasons. Winter is usually already hell for me.. but this winter in specific.. is potentially the worst of my life. No light therapy, no actual therapy coz it's been put on hold until I have meds, and then no meds because my psychiatrist doesn't call me up for god knows what reason. I just don't know how the government can think that our health care system is fine, because it's clearly not. It's disgusting how we get treated, and I say we because I know a lot of other people close to me who get the same exact shit I am getting rn. Our health care system is corrupted af and if anyone thinks differently, then they haven't seen what is the truth behind the curtains.

I'm not here to get pity, I'm not here to get empathy.. no, I just want to be able to say how I really feel about my life right now, and I want people to know that the grass isn't that green here. (And I say this because I've seen facebook posts about how great the healthcare system in the Netherlands is, and all I could think of is how big of a lie it really is). It fkn sucks, period.

My mental health situation has led to me leaving Staff, but honestly.. if I knew back then that I was going to be left in the dark by my healthcare system, I would've waited with it.

I am still in disbelief
I am sorry for those who have to deal with me rn, I truly am.
Please forgive me, as my intentions have never been to be hostile, hurting or negative.. but it's really hard for me to deal with shit rn so I probably just shouldn't.
Thank you for reading, and I hope one day people will understand me a lil better.