Get it off your chest!

Lol where do I begin.
Shortly after you got arrested before Christmas, your parents bailed you out and started screaming bloody murder in my direction, saying that I'M the abusive one, I'M the one who lured you, I'M the one who did everything wrong. I am so tired of this shit. I was so scared to go to the police because your parents scare me more than you do. I even told the police officer who's reviewing my case that I was terrified of them and how they always accuse me. How the hell are you supposed to "get help" for being abusive if your parents deny it. They're enablers and it's really fucking sad because that's all I want for you, I just want you to get help and not be a shit person anymore.

Throughout the winter break, you kept checking in on me through Battle.net. You'd log in every so often, sit in the app for a few minutes and then log off, and you always kept asking me to play Overwatch with you; as if nothing ever happened between us. You'd log into the menu for about 15 minutes, not even playing the game, and you've waited over an hour every time for my reply which you never received.
I ignored you about 5-6 times before I finally snapped and told you to get the fuck out of my life. I actually forgot I didn't remove you from there, because you never played any of the games by yourself and you haven't logged into the app for like, 4-5 weeks.
I loved you so much, but when you told me I wasn't good enough for you... Whatever subconscious act that was making me hold onto you, let go instantly. I feel nothing for you anymore. I'm happy now that I'm away from you.



If anyone is interested in what I told him, here you go:
"I don’t understand why you keep trying to get me to play a game with you, and act like nothing happened. I left you in the middle of the night because I couldn’t take it anymore. I got tired of you constantly yelling at me, you raising your hand to me and grabbing my neck, and shoving me around when you got mad.

I got fed up with you changing your mind. I even got tired of you forcing me into having sex with you, and forcing your dick in my face on the couch. Which I found out IS rape btw. Not “it’s just a joke” as you so delicately put it.

It got to the point where whenever you’d beg for forgiveness, and tell me that you were sorry and butter me up with expensive gifts or a dinner, that I couldn’t even look you in the eye. If you were really sorry for what you did, you would’ve stopped doing it over and over again. But you didn’t. You always started it up, and you always increased the damage as if you were testing my loyalty to you.

I’ve done everything you said and followed your orders and yet you STILL found something to blame me for. I let you walk all over me because I loved you so much, I wanted you to see that I was really sorry for the lies I’ve told before, I wanted to show you I really meant it that I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life. But you abused that. You manipulated me into coming back in August by telling me things would be better. I believed you.

For the longest time you told me if I found a job we’d be happier, save up for a better place, etc. So I found a job. And guess what? You got even WORSE.
You wanted me to quit. After four months of threatening to leave me, and telling everyone I was lazy, you had the nerve to tell me to quit. You “wanted me all to yourself” even though you complained to me whenever I wanted to spend time with you. You started getting mad because I was working 8 hour shifts in a row and you couldn’t see me.

It got to the point where I was indeed afraid of you. I was scared of you coming home. I didn’t know what you’d do if you’d yell at me, or worse. I was scared of when I went to work because I didn’t know if you’d throw my shit out the window. I was scared to leave you alone because whenever I did, you’d get really nasty with me the next time we talked.

You constantly blamed me by saying that I was doing something, or saying something to make you act that way, but in reality I didn’t even do anything. You’re in charge of your own emotions. Nobody can make you do anything.
Plus, I followed your words, remember?

You told me to be less serious? I did, which made you mad. You told me to stand up for myself and to not let you push me around? I did, which made you mad. You told me to fight back? I did, which made you mad. You told me to spend time with you? I did, which made you mad. You told me to find a job? I did, which made you mad. You told me to “do my own thing”? I did, which. Made. You. MAD.

I can honestly say this without any intent on changing my mind later on in the future.
I hate everything you did to me. To think that I once looked at you with loving eyes, and longed for your touch every night when we’d fall asleep, and to be with you for the rest of my life, really makes me feel ashamed. I left my family and ran back to you. I defended you. I made excuse after excuse for you, and all you did was abuse me.

I loved you so much, so unconditionally, that I looked past ALL of that and said “that is the man I want to be with. He is my love. My soul mate.” :/
You told me I wasn’t good enough for you. I don’t care if you were angry at the time, and if you didn’t mean to say it. You still did. You chose to say something that you knew would destroy me. I will never look at you the same way ever again because of that.

If you somehow still love me after all of this, I don’t want to ever hear about it.
You had your chance.

Do not contact me. I don’t want to hear it anymore. I know how you work, you’ll want me to still game with you and then eventually bump it up to “come over... I miss you..” you did that ALL summer, and I fell for it because I wanted so desperately to show you I really wanted this. I don’t want to hear your lies of you being a better person, you won’t change. You refuse to get help so I know deep down you won’t ever treat me nicer even if I did come back. I am done."

 

I decided to at least wait for your response, and I must admit, I was expecting a "I meant it, you aren't good enough for me loool bye" in your typical manner. but I was greeted with "If that's the best way for you to move forward, then please, enjoy your life. I'm sorry that you feel that way about me and that you think I'd ever hurt you. Take care, and goodbye, Becca." ....

How can you still possibly think that you've never hurt me as much as you did? I've stated how you hurt me, and what you did and you mean to tell me that you never meant to hurt me? You removed me anyway, so I couldn't say anything back which would've been along the lines of "You did. Countless times, actually." But either way, you removed me so what's done is done. Here's to hoping you'll stay away from me...