Welcome, future disciple of the Disick. Have you got what it takes to get paid for doing almost nothing but causing drama? Do you want to live the lavish life of a celebrity? The road to stardom is an arduous path, but the results... can be well worth the effort. Once, a man, downtrodden by the insidious shackles of society, strolls along the interstate highway with nothing but a dirty-ass shirt and some ripped jeans. Merely another statistic in a senseless and cruel world, he had been cheated out of the money he made from his minimum wage job by some scumbag on Wall Street. A tumbleweed rolls down the street as a douchebag in a foreign car whips past and shouts "FREE JOSE", leaving the protagonist sheathed in a cloak of desert dust. As he begins to hack up a lung, his STR diminishes and he kneels down, shielding his tired eyes from the harsh sun. Suddenly, a vision appears in the distance: "God, is that you?" he wonders. "Indeed," says the mysterious figure. "Worship me, and I'll privilege you with this fine wine I am drinking." "Guess I don't have much of a choice, do I..." thinks the man. With that, he falls to his knees and begins to pray. As he does, he feels a new vitality surging through his veins. The figure in the distance asks him, "Are you hungry?" The man responds, "I haven't eaten in days!" "Here, have some of this fish stick," says the god. "SIKE!" "You must wholeheartedly devote yourself to the Disick before you are worthy of my help. Go to the slums of Beverly Hills and retrieve the blood of one spoiled celebrity. Pour it into a jar, along with as much of Sake's fame as you can take. Let the mixture brew in the California sun for 3 days and 3 hours. When this is done, ingest the mixture, and as you inevitably begin to vomit, remember my words: HAIL LORD DISICK. Do this, and you will be free." 3 days later, as the man's bile and stomach acid poured from his mouth, he remembered the parable. He hailed the Lord with all his being, and from that point on, he knew what he had to do. For the rest of his life, he spread the word of the Lord, and when he died, he ascended from Peasantry to the life of a star in the Lord's Kingdom. Was it worth it? Only you can decide.
