Get it off your chest!

It seems so easy for so many people, why is it nearly impossible for me? How long do I have to wait?

 

i thought this was something i'd enjoy but, it's not
zzz

 

Don't think I'll ever know what real love is. It's defiantly hard when you're emotionally numb and can feel either nothing or an overwhelming pain. It's even harder when the world scars you for good and you tell yourself it's as good as it gets.

 

I hate that I love you so much to the point that you've become everything...

 

The pain does hurt, but i'll keep pushing through it because this pain is nothing compared to the pain of disappointing myself. So I will keep moving forward. No matter what the cost.

 

Literally I'm going out of my mind, but like it's all my fault and I know that but like I feel like my life is crashing down but I know I'm being melodramatic because it's all over in two days but I can't help it but feel like there's too much around me and I can't keep up but I have to because I'm me and I'm put together and all my friends are like "haha look at Penny she's got it all together" but no I so don't you have no fucking idea.

 

Spoiler

Why is it that everything has to happen at once? Why is it that whenever life settles down and start to improve it has to take a huge shit on you? And at these times you realize, you really can't rely on anyone but yourself. Why do I even bother...

 

Did I just turn down/miss out on perfection or did I save myself from trying to make a puzzle piece fit where it really didn't? I had a reason five years ago, maybe I should listen to my past self more often.

 

>_<

Spoiler

I feel like I'm not allowed to express my anger, sadness, disappointment, frustration, or vulnerability without having to explain myself or downplay the situation. I'm starting to think I'm a bit broken, tbh. How can an okay day turn into a horrible night I wish I could just get plastered over all from one minor mistake? How can I be on top of the world one day and literally just want to hide forever the next? I spend SO much time and effort trying to understand and help people, and no one close to me ever asks me how I'm doing or if I'm alright with their undivided attention or anything beyond "well, cross that bridge when you get to it" or "it'll be alright." All I do is fucking worry, drink, or cry and I have to constantly pretend everything's alright because no one is willing to actually hear me out or make me feel like my opinion is worth anything.

Today, a girl I work with looked at me and said "You look like you're just done with life....and for you, that's surprising."

 

it kind hurts when you can't focus on talking to me while i treat every one of our chat as one of the highlights of my day.

 

suppression.

 

I kept my mouth shut because everyone already came to a decision and now i'm left here holding it all in. I should speak up or just leave and walk away.

 

It really sucks when you have had a girlfriend you've been dating for a year, only for her to unexpectedly move away.

 

I seriously have to stop going on the fucking dark web if I wanna stay sane

 

People get worried over nothing too easily. XD

 

I'm like, really happy and in a really good place in my life and the best part is that soon it'll get even better ~

 

I've felt like crying for days on end now and feel like another breakdown is coming my way at a rapid pace. Everybody keeps expecting me to be the strong one as I have always been, but I just cannot go through with this any longer.

 

Fuck.

 

Withdrawal.

 

Can´t get my shit together. Goverment destroying my country.
Country destroying my heart.